Forgetting the past and living for the future
by iluvdarts
Summary: When the past has to be forgotten and forgiven and the present dealt with, what does the future hold? Based after Sara has left in series 8...no GSR in this story! Rated T for now but this can change in later chapters....chapter 5 now up!
1. Chapter 1

-1**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS DESPITE MANY DREAMS TO THE CONTRARY. I PROMISE TO RETURN THEM WHEN I'VE FINISHED TO THE RIGHTFUL OWNERS!!**

A/N: So I was in work last night and suddenly this idea for a new story came to me, which is really annoying in some ways as it's stopped me from getting on with my other story. Anyways, I hope that you will enjoy this new story. I'm sorry that the first chapter is very short but I promise to have an update as soon as possible. Please read and review as I would really like your views on this story. There are a few spoilers from different series but nothing big. I have chosen to ignore the whole GSR that has been portrayed in the show as it doesn't fit in this story. Many of the chapters will contain sections of instant messaging conversations. If you find these difficult to follow then let me know and I will change the way I'm writing it.

Forgetting The Past And Living For The Future

Chapter 1

CPOV

I was in the kitchen when Lindsey came in to tell me that her friend would like to speak to me. I was confused a little by this as I don't often have chats with her friends, it would be seen as uncool to their generation. I managed to get a glimpse at the end of the conversation between Lindsey and her friend.

**searching4answers: **so have you told your mom about our conversations?

**littlemisscool: **_no…you want me to?_

**searchingforanswers: **I think it's about time that she knew…I think I should talk to her…is she home?

**littlemisscool: **_yes she is_

**searchingforanswers: **would you mind asking her if I can talk to her?

**littlemisscool: **_sure no probs…I'll go get her now…speak to you soon_

**searchingforanswers: **bye Linds

**littlemisscool**_bye_

It threw up suspicions straightaway. Why would I need to know that Lindsey was talking to this person if it was a friend of hers?

I decided I needed to know who this person was so I began to type.

**littlemisscool: **_hello_

**searchingforanswers: **hey Catherine

**littlemisscool**_I hear you want to talk to me_

**searchingforanswers: **that I do

**littlemisscool: **_may I ask who this is?_

**searchingforanswers: **someone you know

**littlemisscool: **_who is this?_

**searchingforanswers: **an old friend

**littlemisscool**_again I ask, who is this?_

**searchingforanswers: **a friend of yours, a friend of Lindsey's

I has realised by this point that I wasn't talking to a child but in fact another adult and this was a little worrying as they had been talking to Lindsey. I really needed to find out who it was.

**littlemisscool: **_who are you???? Why are you talking to my daughter?_

**searchingforanswers: **she's my friend

**littlemisscool**_if you don't tell me, I'm logging off_

**searchingforanswers: **please don't cat!

**littlemisscool: **_don't call me that!! No-one calls me that!! If you know me you would know that!!_

**searchingforanswers: **I've got away with it before

**littlemisscool: **_that doesn't mean you would again_

**searchingforanswers: **smirks oh I think I could

**littlemisscool: **_glares I seriously doubt that_

**searchingforanswers: **laughs I've really missed that glare!!

**littlemisscool: **_Tell me who you are now or I'm getting the police involved!!!_

**searchingforanswers: **shit! I got to go!! I just realised the time…another time maybe…sorry

**littlemisscool: **_just tell me who you are!!!!!!_

**searchingforanswers: **when the spirit moves me


	2. Chapter 2

-1**DISCLAIMER IS THE SAME AS CHAPTER 1:**

A/N: here is the next chapter for you. I hope that you are enjoying this new story. I have many different ideas of where to take this story so I would really appreciate your feedback!!! So please read and review!!!

Chimp1984: I'm glad that you enjoyed the 1st chapter…I'll definitely take you for the ride baby!!!!

Kirky123, Bound Dragon, Saeglopur and CleoRose: here is the next chapter for you to enjoy!

Dreamer27: I cant have you dying on me so here is the next chapter for you!!!

Chapter 2

CPOV

I froze at this. Could it be? Is it possible that after all this time she would surface again? Had she been talking to my daughter ever since she had left? So many questions were running through my mind but most of all, was is it really her? Or am I imagining things because I want it to be her?

**littlemisscool: **_Sara?_

**searchingforanswers: **what makes you think that?

**littlemisscool**: _what you just said__…__I__…__is it you?_

**searchingforanswers: **many people say that Catherine

**littlemisscool: **_in that case__…__who are you?_

**searchingforanswers: **I'm sorry…I really need to go

**littlemisscool: **_please don__'__t go, just tell me_

**searchingforanswers: **I shouldn't have asked to speak to you

**littlemisscool: **_then why did you?_

**searchingforanswers: **I really needed to talk to you

**littlemisscool: **_just tell me who you are!!_

**searchingforanswers: **you once asked me why abuse cases got to me so much

**littlemisscool: **_OMG!! Sara!! It is you!!!_

**littlemisscool**: _where have you been Sara?_

**littlemisscool**: _Sara?!?! Are you there?_

**littlemisscool: **_SARA!!!!!_

_**searchingforanswers appears to be offline…**_

She logged off on me, I can't believe it. After all this time I had finally heard from Sara and she logged off on me!! I decided that now would be an excellent time to have a conversation with my daughter. It seems that she has been hiding things from me. I didn't even realise that they knew each other so well.

"Lindsey" I shouted up the stairs

"coming" came the reply followed shortly by the girl herself

"you wanted me?" she asked

"I think you and me need to have a serious chat" I said leading her over to the couch

"Ummmm….ok" she replied

"firstly…that is Sara you are talking to online?" I asked "as in Sara Sidle, CSI"

"Yes it is" she replied

"how long have you been talking to each other?" I asked

"since daddy died" she replied beginning to look nervous

"but…why?" I asked

"because she understands" she replied

"and I don't?" I asked feeling a little hurt that my own daughter couldn't talk to me about things.

"its not the same" she said "you used to get so upset when I mentioned daddy that in the end I stopped talking about him, but Sara knew…she helped me"

"why didn't you tell me that you were talking to her?" I asked

"then or now?" she asked

"either…both" I replied

"I couldn't then because you were so mad at her, and then as time went on I didn't think about it" she said "I'm sorry that you are hurt by this, I never meant to hurt you"

"I understand that" I replied "but when she up and left, why didn't you tell me then? You know that we have all been trying to find out where she is and why she left. Especially after her whole kidnapping ordeal"

"she asked me not to" she replied, looking ashamed at her actions "she didn't want people to know what she was doing. She wouldn't even tell me. I think the only reason she kept in contact with me is because she didn't want me to feel like she had abandoned me."

She started to cry at this point

"I wanted to tell you" she sobbed "I really did"

I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly till her crying faded.

"it's ok Linds" I said "I'm not angry with you, I just wish you could have told me…everything is going to be fine"

Eventually she pulled away from me and dried her eyes.

"one more question though" I said "and then I'll leave it alone"

"ok" she replied

"why did she want to talk to me today?" I asked

"I don't know" she replied "she never said. She's always online at the same time everyday though. Why don't you add her email address to your account and ask her yourself"

"I will do" I said

With that I went over to the computer and logged into my own instant messaging account. Lindsey gave me the address and I added it. I gave her another hug and kissed the top of her head before sending her off to finish her homework.

I was exhausted by this time but I knew that I wouldn't get much sleep. I was too caught up in my thoughts about Sara. I knew that I wouldn't tell the guys in work just yet what was going on in case I never had any contact from her again. I didn't want to get their hopes up only to have them dashed away again.

I settled myself onto the couch and flicked through the channels finally settling on an old film. I must have been more tired than I thought because the next thing I knew Lindsey was shaking me, telling me that I needed to get ready for work.

I had a quick shower and got ready in record time. I dropped Lindsey off at her aunt's house and made my way into work. It was the first time that I was grateful that Grissom told me that I was doing paperwork today. I knew that I would find it hard enough to concentrate on that but being in the field would have been impossible right now. The night seemed to drag by but eventually the end of the shift came around and I wearily got into my car and drove home. Knowing that I needed to sleep somewhere more comfortable I made my way to the bedroom and changed into some comfy clothes. I set my alarm for when Lindsey would get home as I usually do and settled down into an uneasy sleep.

SPOV

I come online at the same time everyday, mainly because I talk to Lindsey at this time. She finds it helpful to talk to me about anything that is bothering her and I even help her with her homework when she needs it. Lindsey came online and we spent a good few hours talking about school and friends. It wasn't till the end of our conversation that I decided that the time had come for me to talk to Catherine.

I knew I was a chicken to have left that message and then log offline. Catherine wasn't a CSI for nothing. She caught on straight away to the hints that I dropped. I should have stayed and talked to her but my nerves got the better of me.

This was the first contact that I had exchanged with anyone from the rest of the crime lab since just after I left which was going on for about 8 months now. Grissom knew that I was taking an undetermined length of absence but he never asked why. I swear that I never knew what I used to see in him. He just isn't bothered in other people at all.

But Catherine, she's different, from all that I had gotten from Lindsey over the past few months I know that her and the boys have been trying to find me, but I had to break contact. There were things that I needed to do on my own, using my own strength.

If I didn't then I would never overcome my past. It has taken sometime but I am getting there slowly.

I don't know why I decided to reach out today and ask for Catherine. Something inside me told me that she needed to know that I was alive. I know that she will probably be waiting online for me tomorrow as I'm sure that Lindsey has told her everything.

Part of me doesn't want to go online again. I'm sure that Catherine will have plenty to say to me about keeping in contact with her daughter and not the team. Not to mention keeping it a secret all this time. But if coming here has taught me anything it is to face my fears head on.

I'm dealing with my demons from the past and now I am going to stand up to the battle I know is coming.

Having decided all this I realised that I was late for my appointment so I rushed out of the door and down to my car. Slamming it into reverse I pulled out of my parking space and went to challenge my demons for another day.


	3. Chapter 3

-1**DISCLAIMER IS THE SAME AS CHAPTER 1**

A/N: WOW!! Thank you for all the reviews that you have sent me. It is nice to know that people actually like what I am writing. Here is the next chapter for you!! Sorry its taken longer to update but my dad has been in hospital and I've been visiting him in my spare time. I hope that you enjoy this chapter as much as the others so far. Please read and review!!! I love to hear what people think!!!

**Chimp1984: **here is the next chapter for your enjoyment!

**Kirky123: **I'm glad that you are enjoying the story so far. So you want it to be a c/s story…well I cant promise anything but you'll just have to keep reading to find out!! ;-)

**Dreamer27: **hopefully this chapter will help you continue to live!! Sorry it wasn't up sooner!

**Aquarela: **thanks for loving my story! Will it be a romance? I'm not sure but if you keep reading and reviewing I'll see what I can do:-D

**poeticvamp: **I hope that you enjoy this new chapter!

**HellsAngel44: **I'm glad you are loving the story so far…there is more conversation between Sara and Catherine in this chapter for you!

**Titpom1: **I'm glad that you think that my idea is new and different…I'm not entirely sure where this story will lead but I hope you keep reading and enjoying it!

Chapter 3

SPOV

I was exhausted by the time I got home. It had been a very trying meeting that I had gone to. Then again they always were. Sometimes I feel like i'm talking to a brick wall or something. Its times like these that I'm glad that I don't have to work as well as sort out my past. I just have no energy to work. A lot can be said for the amount of overtime I did. It means that I have plenty of money at my disposal, well for now anyways. I promptly fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and slept for a few solid hours.

It wasn't long though before the usual nightmares woke me and after that I found it difficult to drop off again. I decided to go online for a while, see if I could find out anymore information on the person that I was looking for. When I go online my computer automatically logs me onto my instant messenger. I noticed that someone had asked to add me to their account. When I realised that it was Catherine I paused. Knowing I could talk to her through Lindsey was one thing but to actually add her to my account was another. After thinking about it for a while I added her to my account. I knew that if I didn't I could never be sure who I was talking to when it came from Lindsey's account. Catherine wasn't online but then I never expected her to be at this time, seeing as it was half way through the night I knew that she would be at work.

I messed around on the internet for a while after having checked my emails. There was nothing of importance for me to look into from my emails.

After a few hours of searching I gave it up as a bad job. Knowing full well that sleep would still not come I decided to go for a run. I like to run at times. I feel it helps to clear my head and it calms me down. Today I ran 5 miles before I felt that I could finally get some rest. I took a quick shower before climbing back into bed to get some much needed sleep.

CPOV

It was early afternoon when I woke and despite my best attempts there was no way that I could get back to sleep. I allowed my mind to drift as I lay there and inevitably I ended up thinking about Sara. The guys and I had been searching for months to find her but when she decides to disappear, she really disappears! That girl really knows how to disappear without leaving any clues behind. It just goes to show how good a CSI she really was.

I wonder why she decided to contact me now. I mean she could have gone on talking to Lindsey and I would be none the wiser.

Having contemplated on my thoughts I realised that I would never be able to work out the answers on my own. The only person who had the answers is Sara and if she decides not to talk to me again then I will never know.

I knew that it was earlier in the day than when Sara was usually online, well according to Lindsey anyways, but I decided to log in and see if she was there.

No such luck. However I decided to stay logged in to my IM account whilst I browsed the internet. It was only about an hour later that my messenger beeped informing me that someone had come online. So I clicked on it to see who it was.

_**searchingforanswers** has come online_

It was Sara. I knew it was now or never. I had to talk to her. I had to know why she left like that. I had so many questions but I also knew that if I started out with questions then she would never talk to me. I was unsure about how I was going to go about talking to Sara but I just decided to let her control the conversation this time.

**CSImomma: **_hey_

**Searchingforanswers: **hey

**Searchingforanswers: **sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to leave so abruptly…I really did have a meeting to get to

**CSImomma: **_that's ok…so it really is you Sara?_

**Searchingforanswers: **yes it is Catherine…I'm sorry if I came across as annoying but I was nervous about talking to you

**CSImomma: **_why?_

**Searchingforanswers: **because I knew that you were more than likely to be pissed at me! I mean I went away and didn't keep in contact with anyone…then it turns out that I was talking to Lindsey all this time…you have every right to be mad at me.

**CSImomma:**_ I was a little mad, I admit that. But I also want to thank you. You have helped Lindsey, probably more than I realise, and to not abandon her just because you've left means a lot to me_

**Searchingforanswers: blushes** I couldn't let her think that I had left her.

**CSImomma: **_she doesn't…however, you did leave the rest of us without any clue as to where you were and what was going on…I don't mean to get at you but we had only just got you back from under that car and then you disappear again…we just didn't know what to do…the guys and I searched for ages to see if we could find you. You are an important part of the team and we just wanted you back…why did you leave us all like that Sara?_

I didn't mean to write that but I really wanted to know why she had just left us all like that without a word. I knew that I was supposed to be letting her control the conversation but I just couldn't help myself.

SPOV

I knew it wouldn't take long for the questions to start. I wasn't sure how to go about answering them. I didn't realise just how much I had effected everyone that I had left behind. I never thought that I was important enough to have anyone care for me like that. It took me awhile to start to answer any of her questions. I knew that I was going to need someone to help me in my task as it was becoming too much for me to handle by myself. Would Catherine be that person? I decided that I should let her know a few things and let her decide for herself whether she wanted anything to do with me. Also I hoped that by telling her this she didn't then decide to stop me from talking to Lindsey. I hope she wasn't going to hate me because of what happened in my past.

**CSImomma: **_you still there Sara? I didn't mean to scare you off_

**Searchingforanswers: **I'm here…I was just thinking

**CSImomma: **_ok…_

**Searchingforanswers: **I think that you deserve an answer…this is very hard for me to talk about. But can I ask 1 thing of you first.

**CSImomma:**_ sure, go ahead_

**Searchingforanswers: **I understand that you will want to tell the guys that you have had contact from me and that is fine. But what I do ask you is to keep what I am about to tell you between just you and me. I don't want everyone to know, not yet anyways…I cant handle that right now, its hard enough talking to you…

**CSImomma: **_the only thing I will tell them is that you are alive and well…I promise I wont tell them anything else until you want to tell them yourself…you can tell me anything, there is no need to be scared about it…_

**Searchingforanswers: **thanks

**CSImomma: **_no problem_

**Searchingforanswers: **well….it starts like this…


	4. Chapter 4

-1**DISCLAIMER IS THE SAME AS CHAPTER 1**

A/N: WOW!! I never expected to get so many reviews. You must all be really liking this story. Here is the next chapter for you all to enjoy. I hope that it is as good as the rest of them. Please read and review, they give me the boost I need to keep writing the next chapters for you!!

**Chimp1984:** I think you find I did end it like that, LOL!! As for getting the other stories out of my head! I wish!! The more I try to get rid of them the more ideas I get for new ones! It's really starting to annoy me!! Anyways here is the next chapter for you!!

**Probie.duck:** I'm glad you are liking it. Here is the next chapter for your enjoyment!

**Kirky123: **Sorry for leaving the last chapter where I did. Here is the next chapter for you!

**Dreamer27: **I don't mind how many times you say that you love my story!! :-D it makes me happy to know that I am writing something that someone feels is worth reading!! So Thanks!!

**SaraLou:** I'm glad that you are loving this story. Please keep reading and reviewing!

**Chawkchic:** we'll soon see if Catherine stays supportive of Sara in the next few chapters so please keep reading.

**Titpom1: **I'm honoured that you have added me to your story alert list!! And I'm glad that you are loving this story!! All your questions will be answered in time :-D

**Bound Dragon: **Here is the next chapter for you!

**Hells Angel44: **I'm glad that you liked the last chapter and the cliff hanger! Here is Sara's answer to what has been going on! I hope that you enjoy this chapter!!

**Michi the mischievous: **I'm glad that you like the story so far. I hope that you enjoy the next chapter just as much

**SaraZZ: **Thanx for loving my story. Here is the next update for you!

A/N2: I am incredibly sorry for the lack of updates. Real life kind of got in the way. Hopefully I still have a few readers out there despite the amount of time that has past since the last update. Anyways, here is the next chapter for you!

Chapter 4

SPOV

**Searchingforanswers: **well….it starts like this…

Well it was now or never. The truth was finally going to come out. I just hope that she could handle the truth. Many people have tried to understand in the past but inevitably it always ended with them abandoning me. Then again, Catherine was stronger than any other person I knew. If anyone could understand it would be her. I know that I told Grissom part of the story before but ever since he's had this look of pity in his eyes. I guess that is the advantage to talking online. You don't have to look at their reactions to what you are telling them.

**Searchingforanswers: **growing up wasn't easy for me. I cant remember a time when my parents didn't argue. My earliest memory is being strapped into a chair and having to duck when the plates started being thrown around the room. I thought it was a game but the punishment was severe when I threw my plate on the floor. I don't think that was my first beating but it's the first that I remember. I was about 4 at this point but they still insisted on having me strapped in at meal times. Certainly not the usual first memory to have is it?

**CSImomma: **_I don't think there is a usual first memory to have. It didn't get easier did it?_

**Searchingforanswers: **no it didn't. did you know I had a brother?

**CSImomma: **_no I didn't. older or younger?_

**Searchingforanswers: **older. He is 4 years older than I am. He and I used to be really close. He even saved me from a beating or two over the years to protect me but then he changed. we both had our escapes from the world. I had my books and he had his drugs. I should have known it was coming. The drugs changed him. Instead of protecting me he joined in on the fun. Deep down though, I know that it wasn't him.

**CSImomma: **_what happened to him?_

**Searchingforanswers: **he did a brief spell in prison when he was 21 but so far I cant find a trace of him. Guess a knack for hiding runs in the family.

**CSImomma:**_ you certainly know how to disappear_

**Searchingforanswers: **anyways, that's not the point. So far you know that I was beaten as a child by my parents and my brother. God, I've been beaten so many times I cant remember. I've had numerous broken bones, black eyes and bruises. Bruises so deep that you cant even see them on the skin. When I was 8 things got worse. It's hard to believe that they could get worse but they did, trust me on that.

**CSImomma: **_I believe you…what happened Sara?_

**Searchingforanswers: **it was my 8th birthday, around the time that my brother started to keep to himself all the time. My father said that he had an extra special present for me in the bedroom but that it was a secret…

I couldn't go on. The tears were pouring down my face at the trips down memory lane. I was so disgusted with myself. How could I let that happen to me? They were my parents, they were supposed to look after me not leave me with memories that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

CPOV

Listening to Sara tell her story, or at least reading her write it, I never knew just how tough life had been for her growing up. I knew that there had to be something in her past that makes her react the way she does to certain cases but I never thought that it would be quite like this. How could one person take all that and become the strong person that I remember her to be? I find myself almost dreading what she is going to tell me next. I can just imagine an 8year old girl going through all that and I just want to take her in my arms and keep her safe from anymore harm. I knew that I needed to know the rest. Find out who the real Sara sidle is.

**CSImomma: **_go on Sara, please_

**Searchingforanswers: **simply put, he raped me Catherine. I was his 8 year old daughter and he raped me

**CSImomma:**_ I'm so sorry Sara, you should never have had to live like that_

**Searchingforanswers: **funny thing is, I thought everyone lived like that. That the kids were beaten and raped and had frequent trips to the hospital. It wasn't until that fateful night when I was 13 that I realised that they didn't.

**CSImomma:**_ what happened that night Sara?_

**Searchingforanswers: **I'm afraid that is a story for another day. I think that you have listened enough for one day and to be honest talking about all this really takes it out of me.

**CSImomma: **_I understand Sara. But I just want you to know that I am still here for you. You may not have had the best start in life and we may not have had the greatest of relationships in the past but I am still here for you._

**Searchingforanswers: **thanks Catherine, that means a lot and I promise you that I will finish the story another time.

**CSImomma: **_I'll be here with a listening ear Sara. And just so you know, you didn't deserve all that, no child deserves that and it wasn't your fault._

**Searchingforanswers: **I know that but sometimes its hard to believe that I wasn't to blame but anyways I have an appointment to get to so I'll speak to you soon.

**CSImomma: **_bye for now Sara, take care of yourself_

**Searchingforanswers: **always do Catherine, always do. Bye

_**Searchingforanswers appears to be offline**_

All I can do now is wait. What happened to Sara when she was 13 that made her realise that not all children were treated like that by their parents. It was plainly obvious that something bad had happened. She wouldn't have avoided telling me otherwise. I hope that she would still talk to me after today. She opened up to me and I just hope that she doesn't clam up again. I really want to help her see that I can be the friend that she can trust in. I don't want to fail her but I'm struggling to get my mind round what she had already told me. I know this is going to get worse before it gets better but I just hope that I can help before its too late.

A/N3: I'm sorry about the shortness of this chapter. I'm not completely happy with the outcome of this chapter but I decided to post it and get your opinions on it. Please review as I need some feedback on how this story is going. Many Thanx!!


	5. Chapter 5

-1**DISCLAIMER IS STILL THE SAME AS CHAPTER 1. I STILL OWN NOTHING THOUGH NOT FOR THE LACK OF TRYING!!  
**

A/N: Here is the next chapter for you all to enjoy. I hope that everyone likes what I have written so far. I hope that I can keep the updates coming for you all. Anyway, please read and review!! I like to hear what you all think about what I am writing!

A/N2: OK, so I was planning on having this chapter up for you a lot sooner than this but I had it half written when it decided to change course on me. Then real life once again prevented me from being able to write. I have an idea what I want to write in the next chapter so I hope it wont be as long before I update again. Thank you to everyone who is sticking by me and continuing to read this story despite the lack of updates.

A/N3: The email addresses used in this chapter are completely and utterly made up!! Of course you would know that but i thought i should say anyway. Though for some reason it wont let me write them properly but you get the idea!

**Chimp1984: **I'm glad that you loved the last chapter. You say that you are biased but that's not true. If you didn't like it you would have said so as you don't lie about these things just to try and please me. Anyways, hope you love this chapter too!! :D

**poeticvamp: **Here is the next chapter for you. I hope it doesn't disappoint!

**strawberrytears: **I'm glad that you are intrigued with my story; I hope that you will continue to read and review with how you think it is going.

**Kirky123: **I hope that you will enjoy this chapter as much as the last ones.

**Chelsee6: **I'm glad that you are liking the story so far. You are right it is a little OOC and I apologise for that. As for the use of 'anyways' instead of 'anyway', I promise that I will do my best not to make that mistake again.

**Chawkchic: **I'm happy that you think that I am writing this story well. As for 'little Sara', there is more pain to come I'm afraid, though for now a happier chapter first (I hope, LOL).

CHAPTER 5

CPOV

Wow. That was quite a revealing conversation. I always thought that I knew Sara well, as well as anyone else did anyway. To live like that as a child and to be as strong a person as she has become is amazing. Though she says there is more and somehow I know this is going to be a lot worse. I just hope that she isn't going to close up on me again. For Sara to have opened up to me like that is a miracle and I know that it can't have been easy. I know that she must be feeling vulnerable right now and I just want to have the chance to prove to her that I'm here for her.

She mentioned her brother and about not being able to find him. I realised that she can't have much access to police databases and files right now. I wonder if he's even in there.

Come hell or high water I'm going to find him for her. Help her to find some of the peace she is looking for.

It was getting late by this point so making sure that Lindsey was nearly ready to go to her aunt's house I then went and got ready for work. Less than 30mins later I had dropped Lindsey off and was on my way to the lab.

The guys were already there by the time I arrived and all we were waiting for now was Grissom. I took the opportunity to talk to the guys about Sara.

"Hey guys" I said getting their full attention "I just wanted to let you know that I have heard from Sara"

I received shocked looks from Nick and Warrick and a hurt look from Greg. I knew he must be wondering 'why me'. Out of all us of he was probably the closest to her before she left.

"I can't go into a lot of detail" I continued "but I found out that she had been keeping in contact with Lindsey, something along the lines of not wanting to disappoint her"

"makes sense" said Greg

"well she sad that I needed to know she was talking to Lindsey so she spoke to me too" I replied

"How is she?"

"What is she doing?"

"is she coming back?"

"Hold your horses" I replied laughing softly at them all "one at a time"

Everyone chuckled at this.

"first off, Sara is alive and well. She is sorting out a few things and is hoping to be back eventually" I said "I cant tell you much more because I don't know anymore than that"

"at least she is ok" said Warrick

"Send her my love when you speak to her again" said Greg

"Me too" said Warrick and Nick at the same time

"I will do" I replied

Before anymore questions arose Grissom came into the room and for this I was thankful. I didn't want to have to lie to the buys but if they asked me any personal questions about Sara I knew that I couldn't answer them truthfully. Grissom handed out the assignments and we all went on our way.

Before heading off to my 419 I caught up with Grissom to tell him the news.

"Grissom, wait up" I called after him

"what's up Catherine?" he asked

"I just wanted to tell you what I've just told the guys" I replied "I've heard from Sara"

"that's a relief" he replied "is she well?"

"she is fine" I replied

"send her my love" he said before walking off.

That's the thing about Grissom, he never asks questions when it comes to personal lives. It can be annoying when he is so socially inept but in this case it was a blessing in disguise.

I headed off to what was going to be a long and difficult crime scene.

SPOV

I never imagined I would say all I had to Catherine. I just hope that she wont look on me with pity like Grissom did when he found out. I don't think I could stand that. Despite our history I have always admired Catherine. She has this aura around her that separates her from everyone else. I believe that it was the right thing to do, telling her, I just hope now that I wasn't wrong. I've never wanted to open up to someone as much as I do with Catherine. I just don't want it to come back and hit me in the face. I learnt a long time ago never to trust anyone but I feel as if I have done the right thing.

How I'm going to tell her the rest I don't know. I'm still haunted by the nightmares from what happened that night, it's like I'm reliving it all the time. I don't know how telling her is going to help me in any way.

I decided to try and get a few hours sleep before spending the whole day in one meeting and another.

CPOV

I was right. This crime scene was going to be a complicated one. I knew that I was going to have to pull a double, which meant that I needed to make provisions for Lindsey. Luckily my sister is used to my shift work and readily agrees to take care of her for me. I decided that as I was unlikely to be home anytime soon I would email Sara. I didn't want her to think that I was avoiding her when I wasn't online later. By the time I returned to the lab from the crime scene it was getting late. I deposited the evidence to the correct people and went straight to my office. Logging onto my account I quickly devised an email and sent it to Sara. I then settled down to going through all the evidence from my current case.

SPOV

I was tired by the time I got home so I turned the coffee machine on before heading off for a quick shower. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee hung in the air as I made my way back into the kitchen. I poured myself a cup before heading to my computer. Logging into my messenger account I noticed that Catherine wasn't online. I decided to check through my emails as I hadn't done so in a few days. Most of them were junk but I did notice that Catherine had sent me an email

**To: **coffee-addict (at) gmail (dot) com

**From: **c.willows (at) lvcsi (dot) com

**Subject: **I'm sorry!!

Hey Sara, I just wanted to send you a message to say that I'm really sorry that I'm not going to be able to get online today. I've caught a really difficult and time consuming case and I'm having to pull a double at work. You remember how it is sometimes, speaking of which, it's a case that you would be a wiz at. I know I'm not supposed to discuss cases but it's right up your street. I'll just say 2 words CODE BREAKING!! Anyway, I hope that I'll be finished in time to talk to you tomorrow.  
Sorry again.

Cat x

Well that explains why Catherine isn't online. I chuckle at the thought of her trying to break the code. As much as I love code breaking Catherine hates it, it never was her strong point but I know that she will pursue it till she cracks it and when she does heaven help the perp.

I sent a quick email back.

**To: **c.willows (at) lvcsi (dot) com

**From: **coffee-addict (at) gmail (dot) com

**Subject: **re: I'm sorry!!

No problem, I understand! I know how much work can interfere with the rest of your life. Surprisingly I have been missing work but I'm just so tied up at the moment I couldn't even fit in part time hours anywhere. Anyway, happy code breaking and I'll speak to you soon.

Sara x

I was just going to log off the computer when Lindsey came online. Having not spoken to her for a few days I decided to stay online and chat

**Searchingforanswers: **Hey munchkin

**Littlemisscool: **_hey Sara!!_

**Searchingforanswers: **how are you? How's school?

**Littlemisscool: **_I'm fine thank you, schools ok. How are you?_

**Searchingforanswers: **I'm great thanks. I take it you are at your aunts?

**Littlemisscool: **_yeah. How did you know?_

**Searchingforanswers: **I'm psychic

**Littlemisscool:**_ yeah right, I don't believe that one little bit_

**Searchingforanswers: **ok…I got an email from your mom saying she was having to work a double.

**Littlemisscool:**_ yeah, she got a tough case apparently but I'll talk to her later._

**Searchingforanswers: **so anything that I can help you with today?

**Littlemisscool: **_actually, I could use your help with my math homework_

**Searchingforanswers: **no problems, lets get started…

**Littlemisscool:** _great!! It's on quadratic equations…_

I spent the next hour helping Lindsey with her math homework before she had to go as she was being called for dinner by her aunt. I smiled as I thought about how alike Lindsey and Catherine were. They both hated math but they would both sit there and work on it until they had it cracked.

I logged off the computer and decided to make myself something to eat.


End file.
